


RepliCaterer

by holdouttrout



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-08-08
Updated: 2007-08-08
Packaged: 2017-11-15 21:18:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/531825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holdouttrout/pseuds/holdouttrout
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This whole thing is Abyssinia's fault, from her typo "RepliCater," which I stole and made into the travesty you see here.</p>
            </blockquote>





	RepliCaterer

When Fifth made the first copy, something went horribly awry.

"Hi! I'm RepliCaterer, and I can make a mean souffle!"

Fifth was confused. Why would he want an antagonistic food item? He didn't even need to eat.

Carter's face blinked at him, her eyes empty and vacant, her smile bright and forced.

"Uh oh," Fifth said. He screamed a thought into the Network. Five million bloggers screamed back.

"Wrong network," he muttered. He aimed his thought more carefully.

"Eight!"

The reply was so instant, so flawless, there were no words needed to express the concept of what Eight intended, which was something like, "Yes, sir?"

"How much of that particular shiny material we need to make human-form replicators did you use on the Carter-model?"

There was an infintessimal pause that meant, "Oh, shit."

Fifth sighed.

"I know where we can get some," Eight added helpfully.

"THEN GET US THERE IMMEDIATELY! I CAN'T HAVE A CARTER THAT KNOWS HOW TO COOK!"

Another pause. "Uh...wouldn't the replicator have only the knowledge that Carter has? So she must know how to cook."

Fifth scowled. "But it's a universal fanon that she can't!"

This time, the pause meant, "Whatever you say, crazymachine, just don't infect me with whatever virus is bugging your system."

Fifth sighed. "Just...get us there."

"Right, sir."

Fifth dropped the connection and turned back to RepliCaterer. She beamed at him. What was he going to do with this...thing?

"Do you do anything else besides cook?" he asked wearily.

RepliCaterer frowned, then smiled, even more brightly than before.

"I can sing!"


End file.
